


the desire to be desired

by thecryguys



Category: Buzzfeed: The Try Guys
Genre: M/M, drunk!eugene, insecure/jealous!zach, the boys are emotional
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-18 20:15:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13107732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecryguys/pseuds/thecryguys
Summary: eugene comes home drunk one night with hickeys on his neck that he doesn't even remember





	the desire to be desired

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by @halfwheeze on tumblr  
> i couldn't have finished this without the help from @hallmarkhanlon

Tick,  
Tick,  
Tick, 

The annoying sound of the clock echoed off the walls of the small space of Zach’s bedroom. The round, matte black analogue device hung on the wall, taunting Zach with every chime that entered his ears. It was already past midnight, and still, Eugene wasn't home. 

No calls, no texts, as per usual.

Zach thought he'd be used to it by now. After every Friday, he sat on the couch or in their shared bed, playing with their dogs and letting the cats curl up beside his figure. Yet he still experienced that ache in his heart after every missed call and ignored text. 

Zach couldn't go to bed without him; he had now developed a simple routine that incorporated Eugene into his life, a permanent fixation he was unable to live without. 

No matter how much he hated it, Zach understood the importance of these Friday nights to Eugene. It was his personal time, allowing him to relax with the help of alcohol and socialisation, something that Zach did not enjoy as much as his partner did. They’d already spent so much time with each other, during work and at home; they even had the same social circle, making them basically joined at the hip. If a little drinking was something that made Eugene happy, then so be it.

Being the semi-responsible one in the relationship, Zach always waited up for Eugene, even though he was repeatedly told not to. No matter how many times Eugene told Zach he could handle his alcohol, there had been a few nights in the past where he’d drink a little too much. Zach would promptly receive a phone call, in the earlier AM from Eugene himself, completely shit faced on the other side of the line, words stringing together so much that Zach thought the man was concussed. 

  

Time went by agonisingly slow, all the animals had now passed out and the smaller man was still lying on his back staring at the ceiling, the only sound in the quiet atmosphere being the noise from the clock and the loud erratic snores from Bowie who laid curled up at his feet. It was just past one in the morning when a loud, obnoxious knock startled Zach out his daze. He leapt out of bed, tripping over Pesto as he rushed toward the front door. 

Standing there as predicted, was a dishevelled looking Eugene. Of course he would knock on the door to his own house, Zach thought with a smile.The man stood there, a half-emptied bottle in his left hand, shirt unbuttoned down to his belly, thick dark hair tousled against his forehead and he smelled suspiciously of vomit (which Zach knew was probably not his own). 

Beyond his attire, Eugene had his back to Zach, turned to face the car which was pulling out of the driveway. Zach watched Eugene wave enthusiastically towards the uber driver, until the motor vehicle was out of sight. He spun himself around, bracing himself against the door frame when he realized he underestimated the speed at which he was going. Zach could only imagine how dizzy he was. Turning, he made eye contact with Zach, who was sporting an amused smile on his face. Eugene’s eyes lit up at Zach’s appearance, a large dopey grin spread across his mouth. 

Zach’s heart warmed and he smiled fondly at this idiot: his idiot. Eugene leaned against the door frame, reached forward trying to steady himself. Tripping on the ledge of the door, Eugene stumbled gracelessly into his lover, bracing his hands on either side of Zach’s body, a weak effort to stop his head from spinning. Zach snorted as he took Eugene's arm and helped him through the door frame. He took the bottle from the older man’s hand and placed it on the cabinet beside the door. 

Eugene leaned into the younger man, trying to stabilize himself. At his movement, Zach was suddenly overwhelmed with a new and unfamiliar floral fragrance radiating off of Eugene’s body. Zach scanned the darker skinned man, eyes roaming the areas of his skin which were exposed.

His eyes narrowed at the sight of the unnatural colour which peeked out from under Eugene’s collar. Zach moved the fabric of Eugene’s shirt to the side, exposing the tanned skin of his neck - several hickies were littered across the expansion of his skin, dark red spots with faint lipstick marks surrounding them. 

"Eugene," Zach reached out to touch the hickeys with his fingertips, teeth gritting against themselves. "What are these?"

"Huh?” The older man looked genuinely intrigued by Zach’s statement. “Do I have something…?" Eugene asked, pressing his chin to his chest as if he was trying to see the area of his own neck. After a short while he gave up, Zach stood back and watched with wide eyes as his boyfriend stumbled past him into the bathroom, no doubt to look in the mirror. 

"I don't recall anyone giving me hickeys." Zach heard him say, his voicing echoing off the tiled room. 

"So much for having high alcohol tolerance when you can't even remember you have a boyfriend after a few drinks." Zach rolled his eyes. He took a deep breath before stepping back and preparing to make his way back to the bedroom. "So I stay up late, waiting for you to come home when I'm tired as fuck and wanting to go to bed, only to have you to come home looking like you just got fucking laid. Great."

Zach didn't give him a chance to speak as Eugene walked back into the main living space, stumbling like before. Zach scoffed to himself, he can't even try to be sober for this conversation he thought, how convenient. Pushing past Eugene, he stormed into their bedroom. He heard the tap of Eugene’s shoes, hastily following him just before he slammed the hardwood door shut.

The three dogs were now wide awake, tails wagging with anticipation as Zach crawled under the covers and turned his body to face the wall. He closed his eyes as he heard the door creak open, footsteps quiet against the carpeted floor. He felt the bed dip as Eugene sat down on his side of the bed, which only made Zach clench his eyes shut even tighter, feigning sleep and hoping Eugene was still drunk enough to believe it.

"Zach…" He put a hand on Zach's shoulder, shifting closer. Zach felt his jaw tighten, but he refused to make any noise in response. Bowie had jumped up beside his owner and curled against Zach’s side; he must have felt the raw emotion radiating off Zach. He wasn't sad at this point, he was just steaming with overwhelming feelings of anger. “Zach.” He heard Eugene say again. “I know you're not asleep, I'm not that stupid.” 

"You smell like someone else. Don't even think about sleeping next to me smelling like that." Eugene let out a sigh, Zach could picture the man pinching the bridge of his nose before preparing himself to speak.

"Zach, I'm sorry. You know I didn't mean for it to happen."

Zach didn't reply, because what was there to say when your boyfriend lets other girls give him hickeys? That opens the door up to so many more questions. What else is Eugene letting strangers do to him in a bar? 

"I'm going to take a shower. Don't wait up." Eugene got up from the bed and walked toward the door, taking one last glance at Zach and with a sigh, he flicked off the light and exited the room. "I'm sorry." Was the last thing Zach heard before the hearing the jets of the shower stream.

Zach tried to fall asleep, he really did, but it's been quite a while since the last time he fell asleep alone. Truth was, he had trouble sleeping without Eugene. He missed the warm, comforting feeling of having someone wrapping their arms around him, holding him, loving him. He missed having a chest against his back, feeling that chest rise and fall with every matching breath they took. 

He laid in the dark, still facing the wall, and desperately wishing Eugene would hurry up and get into bed next to him. He was being stupid, he knew. He didn't know how he had forgiven Eugene so quickly. But he guessed that’s just how love worked.

A few more minutes passed, feeling like an eternity until Eugene came back into their room. After shuffling around for awhile, Eugene slipped under the covers beside him. The familiar scent of his shampoo hit Zach's nose and immediately, he felt safe and at home. Eugene made no move to touch Zach; if he was being honest, he was waiting for the younger boy to kick him out for the night. But that didn't happen. 

He felt Zach silently move closer to himself, his back still to Eugene’s front. He felt a tug on his hand, and fingers lacing with his own as Zach guided Eugene’s hand across his waist. Eugene moved to rest his head upon Zach’s own, tightening the grip his hand had on the smaller man’s. 

"Zach, please forgive me." Eugene sighed, Zach felt his hot breath against his neck as he spoke, "I love you." 

Zach loved the way Eugene's beard felt against the back of his neck, how Eugene's larger body covered the entire length of his own from head down to toe. It gave him a sense of security, something he always lacked in relationships with women in the past. Eugene made him feel safe, as if nothing in the world could harm him as long as Eugene was with him. 

"I forgive you," Zach mumbled, “I'm still mad, but I forgive you.” He gave Eugene's hand a comforting squeeze, "Just don't let it happen again." He could never manage to stay mad at Eugene for more than a few hours. They rarely had prolonged periods of fighting, both of them preferring snuggling and making up instead of kicking and screaming. One important lesson that Eugene learned from his parents is to never let an issue sort itself out, which is why Zach and Eugene never went to bed hating each other. Also, the cuddling helps. 

Zach fell asleep to the steady beat of his boyfriend's heart against his own, those reassuring arms wrapped around him in a protective manner, hands still linked within one another. Eugene's head was resting between Zach's shoulder blades, allowing him to breathe in Zach’s scent.

-

As morning came Zach woke up alone, tucked cosily underneath the covers, which was unusual since Zach was such a restless sleeper. Eugene must have tucked him in after getting up, and that thought alone brightened up his mood. Eugene may not be good at expressing his own emotions, but he tries damn hard to show the other man through his actions.

The sun shone brightly through the small gap between the curtains, projecting the light over the dark covers. He could hear the dogs running around on the tiles, the pitter patter of their little feet against the ceramic floor; the sound of the radio filling the atmosphere. Throwing the blanket off his body, he stretched his muscles, back slightly aching from being in one position for too long.

Zach threw on one of Eugene's hoodies; he was just small enough for it to rest against his mid-thigh, the sleeves slightly longer than he needed, fabric draping over the palms of his hands. He stretched his bare legs out before making his way toward the kitchen.

Zach found Eugene in the kitchen, humming a song under his breath and resting his hips against the counter. Emma sat at his feet, fast asleep with her tail underneath her legs. Bacon was frying on the stove, sizzling to just the right amount of crispy, eggs already plated, waiting on Zach’s arrival. 

Walking into the room, toes padding across the cold floor, Zach mused at the sight of Eugene sipping from a ‘world’s best dad’ mug filled with black coffee, wearing the most ridiculous thing Zach had ever seen (and that said a lot). The taller male, stood sporting the ugliest turtleneck sweater, in the worst shade of vomit green. 

"How'd you sleep, baby?" Eugene spoke softly and pulled Zach against his chest in a warm embrace. 

"Good," he replied, his voice still thick with sleepiness. He brought his hand up to his eye, rubbing the remaining sleep from his cornea.

"What's with the clothing choice? Never thought you owned a turtleneck." Zach rested his hand on Eugene's chest, rubbing the fabric in his hands; it felt soft and was probably really comfy as well.

"Just wanted to cover up the… you know…" He gestured to his neck vaguely. Oh right, the hickeys.

"Gene, you don't have to do that, you know. You can wear something else if you want, I won't mind." Zach shrugged casually, but on the inside he was thrilled that Eugene was being so considerate of his feelings. 

Eugene just shook his head as he walked to the stove and placed the bacon on a plate before putting the food in front of the man. Eugene watched as his boyfriend scoffed down the food at an impressive speed, sneaking occasional glances at each other across the counter like teenagers in high school. 

Even though Zach tried to play it cool, he was pretty sure that Eugene was able to tell that he was still upset.

Knowing Zach for three years has allowed Eugene to figure out what the different shapes of his lips meant, what Zach wanted when he gave him looks without speaking and right now, Zach's thin lips pressed together meant that he was pretty bothered by what happened last night, but not mad enough to confront him about it. He prided himself in the way he knew Zach better than the back of his hand. Throughout the years, he gathered bits and pieces of information on Zach's various insecurities on drunken evenings and restless nights in bed. One of his largest insecurities was the fear of being replaced and Eugene coming home like that last night would give him enough worry and anxiety for a long time.

"Zach?" 

"Hmm?" Zach looked up from his freshly brewed green tea, allowing his eyebrows to rise at Eugene’s questioning tone.

"I want to talk. About last night." Eugene heard Zach’s breathe hitch and could practically see Zach's brain going into overdrive. His brows furrowed together, a crease making its way to his forehead.

"C'mere," Eugene gestured for Zach to follow him toward the couch. After the pair were sat, Zach drew his legs up to his chest and leaned into Eugene’s torso. Eugene's arms went around the smaller man's shoulder, holding him against his own body.

"I'm sorry that I got so drunk. I'd never let anyone do that to me sober."

"It wasn't your fault," Zach threaded his fingers together with Eugene's.

"I love you, Zach, you know that right?" It's time for sappy Eugene to make an appearance. Zach nodded.

Eugene secured his arms around Zach’s thin waist and hauled him into his lap. Zach's hands rested instinctively on Eugene's broad shoulders, fingers clasping behind his neck.

Eugene leaned in to give him a quick peck on the tip of Zach’s nose. Zach's cheeks were tinted with red; he was so easily flustered, even the smallest amount of affection would make his heart flutter. 

"I love you, Zachary. I mean it." Eugene's eyes were fixated on the man in front of him, the only person he truly let into his life, the one who he revealed all his darkest secrets to, the one who he trusted his life with. Eugene could not recall the last time he’d been so serious about something, or someone.

He knew if the situation was reversed, he wouldn't be taking it as well as Zach, that's for sure. 

"You're the only person who can call me Zachary without pissing me off. That's special, you know?" Zach pushed his fingers through Eugene's tangled mess of hair, fingernails lightly scraping his scalp. Eugene couldn't stop himself from letting out a content sigh.

“I know, and I'm grateful for that, Zachary."

"Don't make me regret saying that." He huffed and rolled his eyes fondly at his boyfriend.

"Kiss me," Zach requested as he felt Eugene settling his hands beneath the hoodie that Zach had taken from his drawers, rubbing circles into his soft, milky skin with his thumbs. Eugene shook his head, denying him any further distractions from the conversation. 

“Not yet Baby Boy.” Eugene paused, glancing into Zach’s eyes. “We need to talk about this.” 

Zach sighed, tightening his grip on the fabric of Eugene’s shirt. “What else is there to talk about Gene?” Zach shrugs his shoulders, “Someone else laid their hands on you. Not even just their hands, their lips! And you don't even remember it!” Zach lifted his hands off of Eugene’s shoulders with a huff. 

Glancing down at his lap, he played with his fingers, not daring to meet Eugene’s eye.“How am I supposed to react to that?” 

“You know I'd never leave you right?” Eugene spoke softly, placing his hand on Zach’s chin and making the smaller boy look at him. “You'd have to physically remove me from your life. And well-” Eugene let his eyes roam across Zach’s smaller body. “We know how strong you are.” A small twinge of a smile made its way onto Eugene’s lips as Zach lightly hit his chest. 

“I am being serious though.” 

Zach sighed, before nodding. “I know. I know. It's just, you’re so… you.” Zach paused, biting the cuticle of his finger. Eugene brought his hand up to remove Zach’s hand from his mouth, locking both of the younger boy’s hands in his own. “And I'm just so me.” Zach sighed. “Anyone can see that you and I don't match, Gene. Look-” Zach watched as Eugene opened his mouth to speak. “Please let me finish.” Eugene reluctantly nodded for Zach to continue. “You could get literally anyone you wanted. You know it, I know it, the other guys, everyone knows it. It's pretty obvious.” Eugene rubbed his thumbs along the outside of Zach’s hand. 

“I believe you now; that I'm the one you want.But what about next week? Next month? What if this is a temporary thing? And I know, I know that’s selfish because, if you want to be with someone else I shouldn't stop you. But, but I'm just… so scared of that. I'm scared of losing you to someone else.” Zach glanced into Eugene’s eyes, his dark blue eyes brimmed with tears, threatening to spill. 

“I don't want to be forgotten, Gene.” He choked on the last few words. Zach was probably Eugene’s only weak spot, so it was only normal that he felt something tug at his heart, seeing Zach open up to him in the most raw and intense way possible. He held Zach’s head against his chest as the tears fell from his eyes and soaked into his own shirt. 

Eugene rested his head on Zach’s shoulder as he began to speak, lips almost touching the shell of Zach’s ear, “I don't know if we’ll be together forever, but I do know that this is the most serious relationship I’ve ever had and I’ll try damn hard not to fuck it up. I want to be with you, Zach, just you.”

If Zach opened himself up to Eugene, he could do just the same for his lover. 

“You're the one who knows me best, and I hope you can say the same for me. I've never felt so much towards another person, ever. It’s probably what love feels like, assuming I know what that is.” He stroked Zach’s back lightly to soothe the hiccups that were starting to appear. “I love you.”

Their bodies stayed intertwined like that for a few more minutes, until Eugene could feel his boyfriend’s heartbeat slow to a normal rate and his eyes were dry. The younger man turned his head and planted a hesitant kiss along his partner’s jawline.

“Love you too,” He whispered before setting his lips more firmly against the tanned skin of Eugene’s neck, right beneath the firm angle of his jaw. He applied a bit of pressure, drawing skin into his mouth and teasing it between his teeth, until the area turned a shade darker. 

“You're mine now, okay?” Zach hated the way his voice appeared to be feeble and shaky, but all the worry in his mind vanished as Eugene nodded furiously.

“I'm yours.”


End file.
